I bet he comes in French.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm both gender and math confused
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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