I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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