He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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