Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
