dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
