This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
