Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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