I just pynch a tree in the face
only if we run a train.
done.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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