problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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