If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
