I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
