I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
