all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
