We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
