the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
