I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
