he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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