She's JV to your varsity
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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