i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
