Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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