I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
