What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
