Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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