She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My feet surprised me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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