I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
