dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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