Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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