we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
