Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
