naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
