peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
