Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
