Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
