He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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