I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
