I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
