why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
