Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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