You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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