hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
