I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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