So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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