Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This house was built for laser tag.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
