Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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