i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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