there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
