There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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