I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
