i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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