I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You ruined the universe
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
