I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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