Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
