I didn't shave. On purpose
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I still have a little drunk in my system
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
