So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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