I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
